Post by Misery on Sept 10, 2024 21:07:58 GMT -5
Love. It was something I always took for granted when growing up. My parents would always tell me that they’d love me, showed me signs of affection, letting me know that if I did my best then that was all they could ask of me. During those teenage years I pushed them away, rebelled, going with friends and disobeying what they said. That is what teenagers do, I believed. They never faltered with their love for me and I never truly knew this until it was gone. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
The service was small and hardly anyone went. I never knew anyone could cry as much as I did and I never felt so alone. As I only had a small family my older sister took me in. She was sixteen years older than me and was more like a mother, despite having three children of her own, we could have grown up to be more like brothers than uncle and nephews but she couldn’t help me. She saw something in me that she couldn’t allow around her children and eventually I was put into the system. Lost.
Bouncing from family to family like this was my normality. People trying to befriend or show me what they believed to be love by offering me a home. However it was never a home for me. My home was with my parents and that was gone. Trying to close my eyes and remembering what I had, trying to hear their voices, remember the smells of my mothers baking or trying to remember life lessons from my father. All the memories seem confused, mistaken from reality to fantasy, my head becoming more confused and distressed that eventually I didn’t care about myself. I looked into the mirror and hated who stared back. If I couldn’t like me then no one else could ever like me. This would be the beginning of my life from now on.
The doctors said it was depression the way I was feeling. Sending me to therapy sessions and giving tablets as a quick fix. There is no quick fix. My head swimming, my body numb, the thoughts getting worse and the thought of death seemed like my only option. I look at the scars on my arms where I pressed the blade of the knife multiple times and cut. The sight of blood seeping out of my arms, the times my heart racing with regret and sorrow, others with relief as it would soon come to a blissful end. They will always serve as a constant reminder.
I tried everything the professionals prescribed and prognosed, feeling more like a lab rat than a person, all avenues where a complete failure and I couldn’t care less about me or what I do to myself. Homeless because the system failed me. Getting any job I could to earn but the depression crippled me, the emotions and self loathing destroying job after job, struggling to find work as potential employers looked upon my resume and wondered why I had so many jobs in such a short time. Everything seemed hopeless. Until I decided to follow a childhood fantasy that I never imagined would come to fruition.
Professional Wrestler.
At school I remembered my friends talking about wrestling promotions, citing certain wrestlers as their heroes, pretending to do the moves or recreating matches they watched on television. I dismissed it initially as a fad. However I watched it around my friends house and I could see the appeal. I would watch the shows live or record them to watch over and over again. I joined in the ‘wrestling’ with my friends at school and would go to sleep dreaming of coming out onto the stage in front of a packed audience. Winning championships. Etching my name in stone for all to watch for years to come. I used the internet and began joining wrestling communities and pretending to write stories about being pretend wrestlers. I had forgotten those times due to everything but with nothing to lose I joined a wrestling school.
That gave me meaning and purpose for the first time. I couldn’t care less about what my body goes through, inflicting pain and suffering to those before me gives me what I believe the feeling of joy could mean to others, putting opponents through tables or utilising whatever comes to hand for pain. I have the scars on my arms from suicidal tendencies but the markings on my forehead, back and body are from putting myself on the line for each and every match. It doesn’t stop the depression. It is an overbearing shadow that will never leave and the voices. They will never leave my head, they get louder at times, the medication sometimes subsides it but they’ll always be there. Telling me I’m useless or encouraging me to do something that could end their or my life. I will fight my inner demons and use this to my advantage.
The students at the school would show pictures or statuses from social media platforms of well known wrestlers, wrestling promotions promoting tickets and events, they suggested this would be a good way to seek a place to call home. I joined X, formerly twitter, and I couldn’t seem to understand what to do. I posted pictures of what I was eating whilst following wrestling promotions. I had an offer or two via direct messaging but a suggestion came up, a brand new wrestling promotion called All Action Wrestling. A former NFL general manager and hollywood agent by the name of Tristian King had decided to try his hand at running a wrestling promotion. A new promotion with blank pages to write history. This is the opportunity I needed. I contacted AAW and Tristian threw my name into the hat for the chance to compete in the championship conquest match.
I sat in my small apartment with my phone propped up against a coffee mug, opened onto the AAW site with the drawing of eight names for the first main event on AAW Impact, I was slightly in disbelief hearing my name drawn. My heart beating fast, the adrenaline surging through my veins, a rye smile couldn’t help but be shown upon my face. I have the opportunity to face seven other competitors to try to advance into the second phase of the match. An opportunity to potentially become a champion. Something that many of the competitors can claim to have done, in multiple promotions with one or two holding titles from them currently, however this was my first opportunity and I will not let this moment pass.
Since the drawing of the names for the Championship Conquest match I have had many up and down days. Locking myself in the bathroom with my back pressed against the door, head in hands as the voices telling me that I am not worthy of this shot and I’m pathetic, emotions filling my body as I truly believed the voices were telling the truth. Getting up to stare at the mirror, not liking who looked back, but trying to talk or shout some sense into me. The good days I ate well and trained hard and watched matches of my opponent from internet sources. Despite the fluctuating days I need to vocalise the thoughts for all to see. Officials from AAW contacted me not too long ago saying they’d like to send a crew to promote who I am. Naturally I said no. However after a brief battle within myself I decided to agree and it has come to that day.
I make the journey to Los Angeles and to the Crypto.com Arena, I remember it being the staple center from my youth, an impressive venue and home of the LA Lakers and Los Angeles Kings. The advertisement is for the event on Friday from All Action Wrestling. I didn’t have any travel issues to the arena or getting into the backstage area, with a lot of the Crypto.com Arena and AAW Staff making sure everything is ready for the event, I caught a lot of the staff giving me worried looks or glancing at me from the corner of their eyes. I couldn’t care less as I knew I could Cruor their skeletons out of their bodies. Noticing the merchandise stand selling a lot of AAW promotional gear, from tshirts to mugs and keychains, as well as some shirts of other wrestlers which include the garishly bright t-shirts and baseball caps of John Blade. I wonder over to see his merchandise and couldn’t believe how shoddy they are. Made cheap and sold ridiculously high. Clever businessman.
Creaking my neck to the side as I stand in a darkened locker room. AAW camera crew and representatives are standing before me, they want to put more lighting up but I declined this, I don’t need the camera to capture my ‘good side’. I just need it to record so the wrestling promotion gets what they want and I get to express myself. The therapists always say talking is good. Even writing it down to fold up and put in a box to read further down the line for hindsight or burn. This will be good for me to express myself prior to the show. Allow AAW and the further wrestling community to see just who I am. The producer nods his head in my direction to indicate it’s rolling. I look down at the ground with my black hair draped over my face. Eyes closed and breathing in and out slowly as my heart races. Trying to steady it but instead I let out a deep frustrating roar and flick my head back with my eyes wide open glaring at the lens of the camera.
“The championship conquest match is something that drew the attention of the wrestling community. Eight people start the match until there is a pin or submission. That person is placed into a holding area. This happens three more times to complete phase one of the match. Phase two will have four briefcases hanging above the ring, the four will compete in a high stakes ladder match, everyone will gain a briefcase in the end but it’s which one you’d like the look of more.” I smirk as bits of my long hair drape down onto my face “It is pure chance to what lies within the briefcase and the reward for the end reveal will change those four wrestlers lives in the AAW. For one will become the brand new World Champion. One will become the Intercontinental Champion. One will become the Impact Champion. The other holds nothing but a hidden opportunity for whoever holds this case.” A tickle in my throat which makes me cough, covering my mouth with the back of my right hand whilst doing so, I slowly lower it once the short cough subsides. ”I could stand here today to say that I am going to be your new world champion. However, that'll be foolish on my behalf. I could make it to phase two and walk out with nothing whilst three others walk out with brand new shiny championship belts. My goal is to make it to phase two and capture the briefcase I want. Nothing less. Not making it to phase two will be a complete failure and the result of that will be unforgivable.”
“I was one of the lucky eight to have been drawn into this match. The likes of Ken Davison and Thaddius Duke wouldn’t go amiss from gracing the main event scene but their names were not drawn. Mine was.” I thump my chest with a closed fist. “I will get to face the surgeon of thuganomics, the man who graces a lot of wrestling promotions around the world, success isn’t a word associated with him but a man who never gives up could summarise his plucky ways. John Blade.” I exhale slowly with disdain. “You may have just been a top champion in another promotion, you may have appeared in a lot of promotions around the world, you may think of yourself as someone who deserves to win the championship conquest match. But you’re not. Sure you’ve got a good business venture with your shoddy merchandise made somewhere in the east. You may appeal to young children with your supposed hip hop lyrics. But your appeal as a wrestler is nothing more than just being there. You will be in the ring with me on Friday Night Impact but I’ll be the one to make sure you don’t advance further. You maybe a so-called ‘Surgeon’ but I’ll be sending you to see a real doctor as I Cruor you back to Boston!”
Quickly moving the strands of hair from my face and tucking it behind my ear. ”A man who is like John Blade but is actually the complete opposite of him. Gracing multiple promotions BUT can actually win and is holding multiple championships currently. TJ Alexander. The Game Changer. A man who could be called the Achievement Unlocker or Belt Collector Extraordinaire..” Pausing before beginning to whisper “..Feel free to trademark those” winking cheekily before speaking normally. “A lot of people will be looking to test themselves against you. Myself included. To be the best version of yourself in the ring you need to face the best competition. I will be doing that with you, TJ. You may be the Aerial Assassin and quick but once I get my hands on you, you will know and feel it for days afterwards, flies are fast and annoying but if you grab the fly swat and time it just right. SMASH! The fly is no more and that will be exactly what will happen to you TJ. You may fly around the ring, be quick and annoying, but all it will take it one Cruor and you’ll be turned inside out!”
“TJ Alexander & John Blade may be the more well known names in this match but two of the competitors aren’t like that. From the independent scene. The Street God Anthony King and The Monarch Axel Shaw. Their names can join the likes of myself with people not knowing who they are and what they bring.” A cynical smile appears “I have spent time on the streets, Anthony. The cold of night chills your very bones. The disdain looks that people give to me. No care or wanting to help whatsoever. Did I turn to faith or worship? No. Would I ever consider you a Street God? No. You may believe you’re Detroit Street king or god but that doesn’t help you within the ropes of the ring. Knowing people or having a name for yourself in your neighbourhood will not help you on Impact. I certainly won’t be looking to help you or look up to you. I will be looking down at you after I beat your godliness out of your non-prophet ass!” I lift my hand up and with my index & middle finger joined together I mime the sign of the cross. “Canada is a part of the commonwealth, which is overseen by the monarchy of the United Kingdom, which currently has its king overseeing fifty six countries. Busy man, King Charles. Axel Shaw believes that he is the head of state within the AAW? From the independent scene to national recognition. You’re not a monarch of this company or this match. I will make sure you do not make it to phase two. If one of the unknown or unrecognised names is going to make a statement in All Action Wrestling then it will be me! I will be the one who waits in the holding area before choosing a briefcase!”
A sudden realisation hits me. “I looked a bit godly with the cross symbol I did with my hands, something Kyra Davison used too, more so by her husband than herself but I’m sure KJ is used to that now. A wrestler who will be a test for TJ with her quickness and lucha style. Another fly” I pretend there is a fly flying about before slamming my hands together with a loud clap “TJ will be squashed but you’re a hybrid that also likes to fight, brawl, a reason you’re called the jaw-dropper could signify the looks. I can only imagine it means you are knocking people down with your fists. I look forward to you trying to do that to me. I don’t care what I go through during the match or feel. I will look to hurt people and end there chances to get to stage two or if they’re going after the briefcase I want. I will put my body on the line and I won’t hesitate to put your body through hell, KJ. And will!” I smile sadistically before composing myself “I remember watching the one-man wrecking crew perform in a well known Las Vegas promotion, a true cowboy and long serving Navy Seabees, Mac Bane. Someone who Ken Davison knows quite well from his time in that promotion also. Mac Bane dethroned Ken for their main title. Perhaps KJ might seek some retribution for that mark in his history? Maybe. What I know is that he is someone who has made a name for himself and I will be looking to end it! Mac Bane will be looking to recapture former glory but the only thing he will succeed in doing is being a participant. Watching from the back as phase two happens! Watching as I capture a briefcase!”
“Most people will know the definition of my name, Misery. I’m pretty sure Nicky Douche gets asked if he is named for being a female hygiene product.” I fill my mouth with air before blowing it out theatrically. “I think its more hot air like that that you’re named, Douche. Being arrogant and vulgar. I mean you call yourself ‘earth's mightiest hero’ among a long list of other names. Strongest of the strong, weakest of the weak, greatest show on earth, no one wants my autograph at conventions, last action hero, John Blades biggest fan. There are so many that it’s tiresome to repeat. You have won countless belts in your near ten year career. Looking to add inaugural AAW.. to that list too. You might be the biggest douche in this match but I am biggest misery. I will make sure you realise this first hand as I piledrive your head through the concrete floor or through a table or chucking you off the highest ladder during phase two! If you make it to phase two.”
“I may be the unknown from the pits of despair. After Friday Night Impact you’ll all know me as the man who went to phase two of the Championship Conquest match. The man who chose his fate of being whatever champion I pick. Or being the only man who won an opportunity whilst the other three got gold.” I give the camera lens a look of intent ”You will all realise that my name means exactly what it means. All Action Wrestling. And that’s Misery!”
I don’t wait for the producer or anyone to say cut. I immediately walk away from the camera crew and push the door open with force, the handle slamming against the concrete wall, I don’t know how the crew reacted to me leaving nor did I care as I felt a bit of relief from letting my thoughts out. I did think about writing a blog or writing notes down on a notepad and allowing someone from AAW to publish it on the website. But this felt right to speak in front of a camera and with it being a few days before the big event, I can find somewhere to stay, prepare for the match, hope that my moods and emotions don’t get the better of me as I have my medication in my bag. It could calm me down a little but maybe being unhinged might be the way forward. I’ll decide that nearer the time. My heart is racing with anticipation for the match and cannot wait to get my AAW career going with hopefully a championship belt draped over my shoulder.